Once again, I have a very vivid and very fuckered up dream. I dreamt that my ex called me to tell me that he was on his way over with his best friend. He informed me that I should call my best friend so she could hook up with his friend. In reality, they both dated but broke up.
Anyways, he shows up with not only his best friend but with a shit load of people. I was like…
Me: “Dude! Who the fuck are all these people and why did you bring them over?”
For some ungodly reason, I let them in and tell them to go downstairs. In my dreams, I have a tricked out basement with a haunted bedroom. In reality, I don’t have a basement. Anyways, everyone is down there including my cousin Tony and my other cousin’s father. They’re looking at a terrarium that I apparently forgot that I had. I was mortified because I knew there had to be critters in there and I neglected them. I’m looking in it and it turns out there were frogs, toads and fish in it. The fish were Angelfish and MIckey Mouse Platies. The interesting part was they interbred and had amazingly beautiful babies. The weird part was the terrarium was on a 3 legged tablet and I was afraid it would tip over so I moved the terrarium to a different place.
I go upstairs because I noticed people were missing and I didn’t want these strange folks roaming around my house. As I’m walking upstairs, I notice some bitch flicking her cigarette ashes on my area rug. I go up to her…
Me: “Don’t put your ashes out on the carpet!”
Bitch: “I didn’t do that.”
Me: “Yes, you did. They’re all over the carpet!”
Bitch: “I don’t know what you’re talking about!”
Me: “Look there, stupid bitch! Now, you can get the fuck out of my house!”
And this idiot thought I was playing with her. She started to call out for my ex….
Me: “What the fuck are you calling him for? This isn’t his house! Now, you can get the fuck out or I can toss you the fuck out!”
And this point, my mother shows up and she’s trying to calm me down. That’s when I hear a dude scream. I go into a bedroom and see about 4 naked guys. One is using a penis pump and another is laying on the bed reading the “Cat in the Hat”. Apparently, this was my nieces bedroom. I lost my shit…
Me: “Why the fuck are you screaming?! Did someone hurt you?”
Me: “Then shut the fuck up! Why the fuck are all of you in here?”
That’s when my mother came into the room and was trying to calm me down. One of the dude’s touched my mother’s arm and I went off…
Me: “Dude! Don’t touch my mother! What the fuck is wrong with you! I don’t know where the fuck your hand has been!”
And that’s when I flipped my lid, grabbed this huge ass dildo on the floor and began to beat the shit out of him with it. I was walloping him over the head with it. I’m talking a classic Chi-Town beatdown! Now, here’s where it gets interesting. I got fed up with all this bullshit going on in my house and I screamed…
Me: “VINCENT!! YOU NEED TO GET YOUR FUCKING FRIENDS OUT OF MY HOUSE! WHAT KIND OF FUCKED UP PEOPLE DO YOU ASSOCIATE WITH AND WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU BRINGING THESE ASSHOLES INTO MY HOUSE?!!!”
It turns out that my ex turned into Vinny. I woke up after all that tomfoolery. What kind of fuckered up dream was that?!
I experience a lot of deja vu and have had dreams come true so I guess I should put this out there: Vinny, in the event that you and I meet and become friends, don’t ask to bring your friends to my house. They aren’t civilized and don’t know how to act right. I got enough problems and don’t need these sons’o’bitches having orgies and disrespecting my house! The last thing I need is to catch a case because I killed all these uncouth idiots!