For those who don’t know, I’ve been a Pharmacy Tech going on 14 years. While I love what I do, I get paid good money for what I do, HOWEVER, there are a LOT of times when some of the patients drive me to fucking drink. So I began to write about all the crazy shit I deal with. While it was rather cathartic of me to do so, and it helped prevent me from jumping the counter and drop kicking someone in the neck, it turns out that many people found what I wrote to be maniacally hilarious. Here’s the kind of shit I have to deal with….
-Unless you’ve been living with your head firmly wedged up your ass, in the state of Illinois, you need to show ID in order to purchase Pseudoephedrine products. Every time this idiot comes to buy some fucking Zyrtec D, she bitches about having to show ID. Here’s where the fun begins…
Idiot: “I need a small box of Zyrtec D.”
Me: “I need to see your ID.”
Idiot: “Are you serious?!”
Idiot: “I left it in the car.”
Me: “I can’t sell it without seeing it.”
Idiot: “I was just in here the other day.”
Me: “You have to show it every time you buy any Pseudoephedrine products.”
Idiot: “Doesn’t the register store that information?”
Idiot: “It should!”
Me: “Even if it did, how is it supposed to know it’s you? You’d still have to show ID to prove that it’s you.”
Idiot: “This is ridiculous!! Do I really have to go to my car and get my ID?”
Me: “Yes, if you want to buy Zyrtec.”
She fetches her ID and is still bitching about it….
Idiot: “I really don’t understand why this is necessary! I buy this all the time. Why should I have to show ID to buy this? This is really inconvenient!”
Me: “Look. *I* don’t make up the law. I just follow it. If you have any issues with it, take it up with Pat down in Springfield.”
Jesus pogo jumping Christ! Is it really that fucking hard to show ID? Carry the shit on you and be done with it. The law isn’t going to change so bitching about it isn’t going to make a difference. With petty shit like this, I’d hate to see how Idiot reacts with the shit really hits the fan!!
-It’s a complete clusterfuck and a half when Asshole pulls in the drive thru with a script for an inhaler and some Ativan. He tells me….
Asshole: “I just need the inhaler right now. I can’t breathe.”
I didn’t recognize him and as I pull up his profile, I notice he has no insurance. Here’s where the shit goes down…
Me: “Do you have insurance?”
Me: “Are you aware of the price of the inhaler?”
Asshole: “The doctor told me it’s like $15.”
Me: “Your doctor misinformed you. The inhaler costs $65.”
Me: “Did you still want it?”
Asshole: “Just fill the Ativan. But I need the inhaler. Just give it to me.”
Me: “I just can’t give it to you. I have to fill it.”
Asshole: “I can’t wait! I need it.”
Me: “You’ll have to come in. It’s going to be about 20 minutes.”
Asshole: “You can’t just hand it to me?”
Me: “Uh, no.”
Asshole: “I’ll be right in.”
At this point, everybody and they mama is standing in line. Asshole comes in and cuts in the front of the line.
Me: “Have a seat. We’re working on your prescriptions.”
So instead of parking his ass in a seat, he starts pacing back and forth and ranting and raving to himself. As I’m taking care of another patient, he interrupts….
Asshole: “I really need the inhaler. I can’t breathe.”
Me: “We’re filling it right now.”
And for someone who claims he can’t breathe, he has no problem walking back and forth and running his trap.
Asshole: “I don’t understand why you can’t give it to me.”
Me: “Because it needs to be filled and we need to sell it to you first.”
Asshole: “I’m not paying $65. I don’t have money.”
Me: “I can’t sell it you then.”
Asshole: “I should have credit in my profile. Check.”
Me: “There is no credit in your profile.”
Asshole: “Yes, there is. The doctor put a credit card on my profile.”
Me: “You have no credit card in your profile.”
Asshole: “The doctor pays for my medication all the time.”
Me: “I show you pay cash price on your prescriptions.”
Asshole: “I need to speak to the pharmacist in charge.”
Me: “She’ll be with you as soon as she can. Have a seat.”
I knew H was not going to be in the mood to deal with this asshole so I give her the low down and she says….
H: “And what the fuck does he expect me to do? I can’t change the price. It’s $65. If he can’t pay for it, he doesn’t get it. Unless he’s wheezing and turning blue, I’m not going to hand him an inhaler. Since he’s walking back and forth and he’s fucking running his mouth, he can breathe just fine.”
She finished filling his scripts and I called one of the managers to come to the pharmacy. Considering how he was acting, I was afraid that he might start acting a bigger fool and I was going to have to act like Thor and break out the regulation hammer I got stashed under the register. I give the manager the low down and he agrees to ring Asshole up. He totals up the script and as presumed, Asshole flips out…
Asshole: “I just said I have no money! The doctor is supposed to pay for this!”
Manager: “The doctor isn’t paying for it.”
Asshole: “He has his credit card in my profile! Check!”
Manager: “There is no credit card in your profile.”
Asshole: “I work for this company too! I am an employee.”
Asshole: “I need my medicine!”
Manager: “And I need $80 if you want your medicine.”
Amazingly, Asshole managed to pull some money out of his wallet and paid for his scripts. The highlight of all this is that one of my regular crazies was standing in line and was witness to this shit. He was looking this guy up and down and had this look on his face as if he were thinking: “Look at this crazy motherfucker!”. Now, you know shit’s crazy when your regular crazy is looking at the new crazy as if he’s crazy!! Crazy shit, I tell ya!!
-It’s the Tuesday after Labor Day, I just walk in and notice someone in the drive-thru. It never fails that my first patient is going to be a problem….
Me: “Hi, can I help you?”
Wanker: “I’m here to pick up my kid’s prescription.”
Me: “What’s the last name?”
Me: “It’s not ready yet. Did you want to come in and wait for it?”
Wanker: “I can’t wait for it! She really needs it! Her blood sugar is over 500!! She hasn’t had any insulin since yesterday because you were closed for the holiday! I don’t understand why! The pharmacy should never be closed! People need their medication!”
Me: “Actually, we were open 9-5 yesterday. Even if we were closed, there’s a 24 hour store less than 10 minutes away from here. Considering that this is a refill, and because insulin is such an important medication, why would you wait until she’s completely out to get a refill on it? If you thought we were closed on Monday, you should’ve refilled it on Sunday. In fact, you probably could’ve refilled it about 7 days ago as most insurances will allow between 5-10 days prior to running out in order to get a refill.”
You can bet your sweet asses that she shut her cock gobbler up when I checked her punk ass. I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again, a lack of planning on your part does NOT constitute an emergency on mine.
-After dealing with the wank pot down yonder, I knew it wasn’t going to get any better. Shit Wit’s standing at the counter with a diabetic syringe in her hand….
Me: “Can I help you?”
Shit Wit: “I need to buy these syringes.”
Me: “What size and gauge?”
SW: “I don’t know. This is the syringe I need.”
Me: “I can’t tell by looking at it.”
SW: “Here, let me take off the cap. That should help.”
Me: “It doesn’t.”
SW: “You can’t tell by looking at it?”
Me: “No, I can’t tell what gauge that is by looking at it. Can you?”
Me: “And you’re the one who’s actually using the syringes.”
Lord have mercy.
-After dealing with enough morons, it was K the Pharmacists turn. Dipshit comes to the counter with a cloudy looking eye and asks….
Dipshit: “My eye is really itchy and it hurts. Is there an eye drop I can put in it?”
K: “What did the doctor prescribe to you?”
Dipshit: “What do you mean?”
K: “Your eye looks cloudy as if you put an ointment in it. I need to know what the doctor prescribed before I can recommend something.”
Dipshit: “I didn’t see a doctor. I just put Neosporin in my eye.”
K: “Come again?!”
Dipshit: “I put Neosporin in it.”
K: “Uh, no wonder it’s hurting! Take this eye wash, go into the washroom and wash your eye out!”
I guess I should also mention that while he pointed out the women’s shitter, he’s not completely sure that she took his advice to wash her eyeball out.
-My day wouldn’t be complete without some insurance hijinks! For some ungodly reason, an insurance wasn’t going through as it was giving me a too soon rejection even though, according to patient history, it should be fillable. So I call the insurance and here’s where the fun begins…
Me: “I’m calling from the pharmacy on a refill too soon rejection.”
After giving the insurance rep the lowdown and all the patient information, I tell him….
Me: “It shows it was filled on the 22nd but according to the day supply, it should go through now so I’m just trying to find out if she got it filled through mail order or from another pharmacy.”
Insurance Idiot: “That’s impossible! How could she have gotten it filled on the 22nd when it’s only September 5th?!!”
Me: “Uh, August 22nd.”
And these are the idiots who handle your medical and pharmaceutical business. God help us.
-Fucktard comes through the drive-thru to pick up some Ambien. I’m about to ring it up when I noticed she just picked up some Ambien. I pull up her profile and discover that she managed to pick up a total of a 3 month supply in 20 fucking days! I don’t know how she managed to get that much and how it was overlooked but she wasn’t getting that shit from me. I show it to H and she says….
H: “Yes, I know. I already talked to the doctor and he said he was going to talk to her and call me back.”
Me: “I’m not going to dispense it then.”
I tell Fucktard….
Me: “I can’t sell this to you. You just picked up a 30 day supply 3 days ago.”
Fucktard: “I’m going on vacation.”
Me: “We have to speak to the doctor and get the ok to release it early.”
Fucktard: “I want to speak to the pharmacist!”
At that point, K came in and I gave him the lowdown. When he says the patients profile, he damn near fell out. He tells her…
K: “You just got this. I’m not releasing it until I speak to the doctor.”
She left well enough alone but kept calling the pharmacy to see if we heard from her doctor. We didn’t. After the 6th phone call within 3 hours, I was starting to get pissed off…..
Me: “I told you, as soon as we hear back from the doctor, we’d call you. You don’t have to call every 20 minutes.”
Fucktard: “But I really need this! I won’t be able to sleep tonight if I don’t get my medicine.”
Me: “You just picked up 60 tablets 3 days ago.”
Fucktard: “I know.”
Me: “So how are you unable to go to sleep tonight if you picked up some 3 days ago?”
Fucktard: “I’m going on vacation and they packed all of my medicine away.”
Me: “Then go unpack it and you’ll have some for tonight.”
Fucktard: “They already took my luggage with.”
Me: “What about all the other refills you picked up? According to your profile, you’ve managed to get 30 day supplies every 10 days. You should have LOTS of Ambien. Is all that packed away too?”
Fucktard starts crying and is begging me to call her doctor again.
Me: “We already spoke to the office and they said they’d call us back.”
I got off the horn with her. So why in the fuck did she come to the pharmacy looking to pick up her medication? K refused to sell it to her. Going on vacation, my ass. More like someone is eating this shit like candy and got caught up.
And if you’re wondering what Vinny has to do with all of this, I was in the process of writing this when I noticed he was half naked. I had to take a break to watch his sexy ass, LMAO!!